So, we got into work this morning and someone had slipped the working draft of President Donald Trump’s speech for later this year where reference is forgiveness the Thanksgiving turkey. Apparently, he’s writing it himself. I know, right ?? em>
Admittedly, this is very early for Trump to be projecting out the annual presidential tradition, and he’s not really knows we writing his own speeches. But, we here at Mashable would be remiss if we didn’t publish this reveal record . em>
What follows is Trump’s draft speech in full : em>
“Thank you, thank you for joining us for this very, very special day. It’s a period for justice, I think.
Can we get Toddles the turkey out here? There he is. Look at him. Just beautiful.
Today is the day when we really look at this turkey and request ourselves what he genuinely has done. I necessitate, you ask me, and a lot of people have, and when they do, I say this turkey is more innocent than anybody.
Believe me , nobody knows more about turkeys than me.
Since November started, I start hearing all sorts of people running after Waddles. Waddles does this wrong, Waddles does that incorrect. Waddles had secret one-on-one feedings with this other turkey nobody likes. Where are these headlines coming from, I ask myself. It’s tough, you are familiar with, being a turkey and it seems to me that he’s just trying to create a nicer farm for everyone. Wouldn’t it be nice if Waddles got along with more people?
And so I think to myself, “You know, I don’t like how this fowl is being treated. It’s not nice.”
But no, all these people want to eat Waddles alive. Want to cook him up. Imagine that.
It’s very unfair. Very nasty.
And now, here it is, Thanksgiving, and everyone has sharpened their bayonets to come after him. Some people have gotten together and schemed on hunting Waddles down and taking him out. Even though he’s done so much for so many others. They’ve became this turkey hunting into a witch hunt. It’s a mess, I tell you. Large-hearted mess. Big.
And everyone is amazed and asking, “why? ” “We love Waddles, ” they say, “He’s doing a great job.”
And so I think to myself, “You know, I don’t like how this chick is being treated. It’s not nice.”
And so I think it’s only fair that we pardon Waddles. It’s only fair.
To you, Waddles, I want to say: I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all of this nastiness. You’re a beautiful bird. Actually, really beautiful. And so smart. I’m sorry that the fake report and the obstructionist Democrats and the losers don’t acknowledge all your knacks. You are so good. So very good. And tough. And good. Extremely good.
I’m likewise pardoning Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump Jr ., Jeff Sessions, Steve Bannon, my friend Jim, and myself. But not Reince Preibus.
Thank you and let’s continue to Make America Great Again.”
Thanks for speaking Mashable Humor: original slapstick every day. Or most days. We’re people, just like you, and we’re trying our best . strong > em>